My Deepest, Fondest Thoughts of Lasagna, a Haiku by Chevy

Lasagna is good,

delicious, satisfying,

and is delightful.

            

Something You May Not Know About Doofus

Something You May Not Know About Doofus

By: Bonnie

    
     Hey, stupid humans. This is Bonnie.
     Although I know you see Chevy in the sky everyday, and you've smelled his horrendous stench, you may not know an important bit of information about the ugly thing I call Doofus. (You might have heard me call him Chevy, but I prefer to call him Doofus, as of today.)
     Okay, so the thing about Doofus is that he has not one, but three stomachs! And here I was thinking 'The less of him, the better!'
      Though, would've wished I hadn't experienced it first-hand.
      It all started when Doofus was eating very obnoxiously, and very loudly.
      "Chevy!" (This was when I still called him Chevy, remember?)
      "What, Bonnie?"
      "You know what, bird brain!"
      "Duh... No, I don't." he said with a twinkle in his eye.
      "You're eating super loud, and I want you to shut up!"
      "But Bonnie! If I 'shut up', I won't be able to eat seeds."
      "Exactly!"
      "I like seeds," Doofus said, stupidly.
      "Well, can ya eat 'em less loudly then, Ugly?"
     "You've lived with me for going on five years, Bonnie. Don't you know that my name isn't Ugly, by now?"
     I tromped all over the cage, and screamed.
     "Duh...Bonnie, 'Ahhh' isn't an answer."
     Then, slyly, I replied "Oh, yeah. Is your name....Hmmm.....uh...Stupid? No, that's not it. Oh! I remember! It's Stink E. Byrd."
     "Oh, Bonnie. That's not it at all!"
      He went about eating, sounding like twenty chainsaw engines running at once.
      I shoved him away from the food dish, but, he was so fat and heavy, that he only moved an inch.
      I called, "Chevy! Move!! You're going to eat it all! I need to eat seeds, too." But when I got to the food dish, there was only one measly seed left. I was more than furious.
      "Chevy!!! I told you not to eat it all!"
      "I didn't, Bonnie. I saved you one, because I'm so generous."
      "You aren't generous! We won't get any more seeds until tomorrow! I'll starve!"
      "I have an idea...Since I'm such a loving bird, I'll let you have some of my food."
      As I zipped down his esophagus, I shouted "NOOO!!!", but it was no use. The undying stink of his stomach acid and the camel he ate yesterday, made my eyes water.
        "There is no way in my right mind that I am eating anything you already ate, Chevy! Do you even know how stinky your belly is inside?! I mean, I thought you smelled bad enough on the outside."
         To Doofus, what I was saying sounded like gibberish. He pretended he heard me say "Eat the last seed," so he would have an excuse to eat it. And he did so.
        "Here, Bonnie. This is for you."
        I could hardly see. My body was immersed in stomach fluid. It was churning, and greenish-pink. It was also the grossest thing I've seen in my life.
       Doofus was still talking to me. I think he was giving me a tour of his belly. "Right next to you is the McDonald's I ate. If you go two more inches to the left, you'll see the bowling ball I mistook for a mutant seed. I chuckled. 'Chevy's so stupid he can't tell the difference between a bowling ball, and a seed.' I thought.
      Oooh! Ooooh! Oooh! Bonnie! My favorite part is next. Those are all the eyeglasses and their cases, from the eye doctor. Oh, yeah, and if you want to try on any, I think I swallowed the mirror, too."
      "You are disgusting-er than I ever thought anyone could be."
      I wondered why I could hear him, but he couldn't seem to hear me. Then, I remembered: Chevy eating sounds like twenty chainsaws running at the same time. No wonder he has hearing loss.
     "Get me out of here! I don't want to see anymore. My eyes! My eyes!"
     Each of the pairs of glasses were mangled almost beyond recognition.  Or maybe it was my stinging eyes that made them mangled.
     "What, Bonnie? Do you have an idea to go with the collection in there?"
     "No, dummy!  GET. ME. OUT!!!"
     "Oh! Good idea, Bonnie!"
     Then he laughs so hard, I fly across the slippery mass to the other side.  And I didn't have to use my wings.  Before I realized it, Doofus sent a wrapped-up dead human my way.  He must've thought I said "mummy".  It was no use.
     My own stomach growled.  I didn't eat anything at all today.  And it wasn't like I was going to find anything good in here to eat.
     "Wow, Bonnie.  You surprised me.  Never in my life did I think you would tell me to eat something."
     "I didn't!" I screeched.
     "Pig lint?! I don't know what that is, but it sounds tasty!  Thanks, Bonnie!"
     Before I could say anything else, a hog roast covered in dryer lint descended on top of me. 
     "Help!"
     "Oooh! Some kelp? You have the best ideas!"
     I heard his massive wings flapping.  I swam quickly out from under the hog.
     A giant glob of dark green mush slopped down to his rapidly-filling, extra stinky belly.
     "I've had enough!"
     "Woof woof? Oh, I know what you mean, Bonnie! I'll eat a dog, just for you!"
     I gave up.  This was getting ridiculous.
     Suddenly, I got sucked down into a tube in his bulbous tummy.
     "Oh, goody!  You're in my second stomach. That one's actually my favorite, but don't tell my other bellies."
     "How many bellies..." I stopped.  Ugh!  I forgot.  Now Chevy - I mean, Doofus - would eat something else.
     "I already ate all the bullies, Bonnie.  Pick something else."
     I sat there in silence.  Warm, but wet, and my eyes still stung.  I wondered when this "ride" would be over.
     I found a package of nose plugs, and helped myself.  It took me a while to open, though.  Have you ever tried to open something with feathers? Well, let me tell ya, it's hard.  Luckily, the plastic had been partially broken down, thanks to Doofus's belly acids. 
     I forced the nose plug into my nostrils.  That was pretty difficult, considering it was designed for stupid humans' nostrils.  But it was worth it to not smell the awful stuff.
     I saw Alice and butter flies and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.  They had their heads down, looking sad.
     At first I though Lewis Carroll had lied about the colors of Alice's and Tweedle Dee's and Tweedle Dum's hair and clothes.
     'Alice is blonde.  She doesn't have pinkish green hair,' I thought.
      But then I remembered: Chevy's stomach fluid.  It's pink and green.
     That is so unnatural.  Then I saw it! An unopened bag of suckers! Food! Clean food!
     I ran  as fast as I could, to the sucker bag.  I opened it and ferociously gulped one down.  I chewed up lollipop after lollipop, until I was full.
     I then got sucked into another stomach.  At least, I think it was a stomach. The third stomach had more junk in it than the other two. It had our owner's oven, all their library books, a pet store with all the pets and people inside, five drywall walls, twenty-one bowling pins, and some silverware.  And, of course, me. I didn't know how much time had passed in there. It felt like days.
     "Chevy! Can you speed it up?"
     "Duh, okay, Bonnie.  I can eat a duck."
     Oh, yeah.  I forgot.  I can't talk.
     At least I wasn't getting pelted with the random things Doofus liked to eat anymore.
     I finally got squeezed through a small tube, and came out, gasping for air.
     "I Can't. Believe. You ATE me!"
     "You wanted some food, Bonnie; you shouldn't complain."
     At this point, I was (for once) happy to be alive.

Change - Stop Motion Video by J

Bonnie and the Butt-Paste Busniess

Bonnie and the Butt-Paste Business

By J

It all started when Chevy was calmly eating seeds at the food dish. Bonnie, who was perched next to him, was loudly criticizing Chevy.

Bonnie paused to catch her breath." Chevy, do you know how ugly you are?" She questioned.

Chevy responded by chewing loudly and belching. Bonnie coughed a little longer than was necessary to emphasize how bad his breath smelled.

"Let's just say you make me want to vomit when I look at you."

Chevy seemed to brighten up at this and he said "then you can eat some more."

"No, you IGNORAMUS!" Bonnie shouted.

All of a sudden Bonnie got an idea, she would start a company; a butt-paste company. There were several things she needed to do. First: she needed to come up with a name for her company. She decided on "The Butt Paste Helpers". Yes, she thought. That was a very good name. Now I need a place for my shop. She thought and she thought until she thought of the new strip mall downtown.

Next she had to think of a way to pay the rent. Suddenly she got an inspiration. She would pay in beans. Chevy had recently bought a bunch of canned beans using a credit card: it was inside a wallet he had eaten.

After that she had to come up with a recipe. She thought of it: a half a bottle of glue and three quarts shampoo. (Bonnie was not very good at measurements.) So, anyway, she got a trademark for her company. She told Chevy about her plan. She also told him that he could work for her but what she didn't tell him was what his wages were: zero  dollars and zero cents.

After that Chevy and Bonnie went to their new place. It was one of the smaller buildings, but that did not seem to bother Chevy. Bonnie, however, was furious. She shouted at the owner "IS THAT ALL?!"

The owner calmly replied "Yes miss." Obviously experienced with angry consumers.

Bonnie was bubbling with rage. Knowing what Bonnie was about to do, the owner quickly left the building. Bonnie stared strait ahead as the dark-red pickup roared away. Bonnie, finally able to control herself, walked away examining the small shop.

Chevy, who had been in the employees-only room, had found several small shelves to munch on. Bonnie, who had been searching for him for quite some time, went into the employees-only room. When Bonnie found out what Chevy was doing she was livid with anger.

She stormed up to Chevy in a great fury. Bonnie attempted to pull the shelves away. Chevy, who did not want to give up his new second-favorite food, flung himself on the shelves. Bonnie pushed Chevy onto the shag carpet and quickly dragged  it away.

Now Bonnie was even more red from exhaustion. She shouted angrily, "CHEVY! Why did you do a thing like that?!"

"Duh, I was hungry." Replied Chevy casually.

At that moment some costumers arrived. A wary old couple waddled in. Bonnie walked out wearing her fake smile like a sweater. Chevy followed. Boxes containing her butt-paste were everywhere. Bonnie quickly tried to neaten up; Chevy joined  in, pulling a gnawed shelf out of the back room.

The old lady scowled at Bonnie while Chevy loaded bottles of butt-paste on to a shelf. The lady asked for a small. Bonnie handed her a bottle that had previously been occupied by mustard. The lady grimaced at the unprofessional looking bottle. Suddenly she threw it at Bonnie, who stared at her, stunned.

The couple walked out of the store.

Bonnie glared at Chevy, who was smirking and waving. Finally, they had to close due to lack of costumers.

THE END.

Bonnie the Sports Reporter (by A)

Bonnie decided to be a sports reporter.
When she came to the press box to do a trial run, Bonnie was overly confident.
"Ha ha ha! I'll beat all of these stupid humans!" she shouted. She was referring to all of the other men who were trying out for the job.
Bonnie was up first. The man who was in charge instructed her: "You have to speak clearly and fast. So here's and example. The man put the microphone up to his mouth. "Johnson goes wide to the right, oh and now he makes a pass to Thomas. Do you think you get it now?"

"Uh, yeah!" said Bonnie.
"Okay, start when you are ready," the man said, smiling.
They turned the microphone back on. Bonnie began. "Here's Stupid. He's up to bat!" Bonnie was clueless about football. She knew all about baseball and a little about soccer. But, she was so overly confident that she didn't care. The man whispered in Bonnie's ear, "He's got the ball. He's not up to bat!" and smacked his forehead.

"Oh, he's got the ball, wide to the right, wide to the right, folks! He passes it to...
The man prays silently to himself. 'Please not Stupid, Please not Stupid..."
"Ugly!" Bonnie bellowed. The man reaches for the microphone telling Bonnie what she should be doing. "And Johnson's got the ball, wide pass to the left...Goal!" Bonnie shouted, leaning over toward the microphone to continue her sports report.
"That's right. A touchdown!" the man yelled, trying to drown out Bonnie's voice. The other men waiting for their interview outside the press box snickered. The sports reporter gave Bonnie one more chance. "Don't mess this up. I'll only give you one other chance and if you blow it..."
"On Numbskull, On Stupid, On Ugly and Dumb!" Bonnie yelled, imitating the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer song. The man put a hand over her still-babbling mouth. "Shhhh!" He had another man take over. "You're fired," he told Bonnie, then he forced her out of the press box, closed the door and locked it. There were gasps of horror and shouts of laughter coming from the crowd. She flew above the game, watching and listening. She had her own commentary going inside her head. "Oop! Scatterbrain from the other side has the ball now." She did this until the game was finally over.

And when it was, all the football players had a bone to pick with Bonnie. They came up in a pack. The biggest men she had seen in her life! They all gathered around. They took turns punching Bonnie.
"This is for all the names you called us," one said.
"Yeah!" said another.
"And we didn't like it!" added a third.
But, they let her off easy with two black eyes.

You can bet she never did that again.

Sandwich Sensation (by Richie Marrow)

I was talking to Violet Thomas who has recently contributed to the Museum of the Strange in Seattle, Washington. Her discovery, the "Guilty Rotten Sandwich" is being seen by people around the world! Violet has done several interviews with various radio stations and newspaper writers (one of which is me).

Paper Hugger Magazine interviewed Ms. Thomas whereby she stated, "It all kind of started when I made a sandwich. I was about to leave for a one-week conference, so I packed up my things, but accidentally left the sandwich behind." She later explained to 10TV news that she went to the conference, came home, remembered her sandwich and went over to throw the sandwich away.  Then she saw a note next to the sandwich that said, "Look, I'm sorry I rotted while you were gone. I tried not to, and am really sorry. I was a little angry that you didn't take me with you, and that's why I rotted. Again, I am very sorry. I am starting to feel really guilty so please forgive me."

Ms. Thomas read the note over again two more times, still stunned at what she saw. Suddenly, the eyes of the bread snapped open and the sandwich said "Well, do you forgive me?"  Ms. Thomas screamed. It happened so suddenly, she was frightened. She then squeaked, "Um...yeah. But how can y_"
"How can I talk?" the sandwich interrupted, "I dunno, but I'm kinda glad you didn't eat me, so I wouldn't scream when you bit into me."

She laughed. Ms. Thomas' friend who came to see if Violet was home, had come over from her house and saw the whole incident from the door. Her friend, then went on to tell Ms. Thomas about the museum.

The following day, Ms. Thomas called the Museum of the Strange and they worked out the details for the sandwich to be exhibited. Since then, the sandwich has been seen by school groups, tourists, and other museum curators. It is world famous!

If you haven't been to see the talking sandwich, it's a great time to go. Contact the Museum for information or for a tour at: Museum of the Strange
              125 Harper St.
              Seattle, Washington 12896

Or call them at (607)233-1940.

Bonnie's Permanent Eyeshadow Experiment ( a short story by A)

     One time Bonnie wanted to go into the cosmetic making business. She had her demonstration set up for 3:45. She looked down at her tiny suit and smoothed out wrinkles. Then, Bonnie checked her watch. It was 3:44. She rushed into the room with her product.
"Hello, are you Bonnie?" a dressed up woman behind a shiny desk asked.
"Yeah!" Bonnie answered, turning her chin up.
"Okay, Bonnie, what are you going to be showing us today?"
"I call it 'Permanent Eyeshadow!" Bonnie took the blanket off. Under it was a small bottle with a shiny brown liquid inside.
"Will you demonstrate this 'Permanent Eyeshadow' for us please?" said the lady sweeping her hand in front of her and the other two men. The men cocked their heads at Bonnie's specimen.
"Okay, so you just put this on your eye-caps, Lady...just like this..." said Bonnie applying the 'eyeshadow'.
"Ahh...I see. Interestesting," the lady said.
 "And did you, by any chance, test this to see whether or not it was permanent, or at least lasts long enough that it's almost permanent?" The man to Bonnie's left questioned.
Bonnie batted her ridiculously brown eyelids at him and said, "Do I really have to?"
A nod was her response.
The lady spoke up. "Yes, it is necessary for advertising purposes."
Bonnie was silent.
"So, what are the contents of your bottle there?" the lady asked suspiciously.
Bonnie squinted. "Eth...yl...ac...e...tate, nitro...wha? Oh, nitrocell...u...lose, gly...col, cal...cal...see...ummm....Yes, er, calcium alumin..um, boro...borosil..acate," Bonnie sputtered.
"And this is an original creation?" The lady was getting more suspicious by the minute. Bonnie could see it too and was getting more and more nervous.
"Um...Yes!" Bonnie squeaked.
"Funny. It sounds just like Wet-n-Wild Megalast nail polish that I happen to be wearing." The lady held out her glittering fingernails.
Bonnie chuckled nervously. "Uh, why, yes... weird. You're using it as fingernail polish."
The lady gave Bonnie the stink-eye. Bonnie batted her eyelashes again, and chortled.
"Okay, I've seen enough!" the lady exclaimed.
With that, Bonnie waddled back out of the conference room, 'her' product in wing, flew all the way back home.


And by the way, that nail polish did not come off for three weeks. When Chevy saw, he laughed so hard that it started that huge earthquake in Japan last year. Chevy was very sorry and hopes to eat to repair the damages.

The End.

Red Ant Rebellion (by A)

It was demolished.

The anthill was in ruins.

Crushed.

It was a dare.

Red ants crawled up my leg.

I knew this was a stupid dare.

But, I wanted to be tough.

Bite after bite, they get me.

I scream.

"Stop. Please stop."

Who am I kidding?

Ants won't stop biting me.

Even if I say please.

At least I'll die a polite young man.

Bite, bite, pinch.

I run, and wipe my legs

and buttocks on the grass.

Hoping to tell these ants

that messing with me

was not a good idea.

But they are insistant.

Angry.

Oh, so angry!

I would be too, if someone

stomped on my home.

On the people I loved.

They keep on.

The pain is excruciating.

Why did I take this dare?

Each bite is a stab in the leg.

I dunk myself in the creek.

The pain subsides a bit.

The ants do too.

Relief.

The red ants float away

on the murky creek.

Good-bye ants.

I run back home.

My home.

Warm, comfortable.

In my house

with my family.

I can't imagine my life without them.

I'm already sorry.

And I'll never do it again.

Spring (a Haiku by A)

Spring is springing now.

So sunshiny and pretty.

Growing, growing, gone.

Stupid Haiku!

Dear oh dear, my, my!

Won't you teach me how to fly?

And don't you dare lie!

Alphabetical Torture (an alphabetical writing exercise from my writer's group - by A)

(***Note: Beginning with the letter H and continuing through the alphabet, my assignment was to start each sentence with the next letter in the alphabet.)

Help me, help me please!

I'm drowning in your lies.

Just please say I'm okay.

Killer bees surround my helpless and limp body.

Lying here, being stung.

Melting away, it's excruciating.

Not what I wanted, that's for sure.

Opposing all lies and mess.

Puss streams and I scream.

Quirkily trying to run, but I've lost depth.

Respiration is weakening.

Stop, bees, stop!

Trying to live, trying to feel something but pain, I still run.

Understand my misery yet?

Vests of black and yellow engulf me.

Wings of translucent clear find me and flap.

Xylophones of color, buzzing, always buzzing right at me.

Yelp after yelp, no one hears me.

Zzub, zzub, they are flying backwards now.

And the reverse button works today.

Because it knows that my life depends on it.

Can't believe how much relief floods my present self!

Dumbfounded and amazed, I smile.

Excited, I yell for joy.

Finally free, finally me again.

Great things come of time machines.

Writing Magic: Creating Stories That Fly (a book review by A)

Writing Magic by Gail Carson Levine is a very helpful book. It is one of my favorite books, in fact. Just ask my mother. (I have checked this book out from the library probably at least fifty times.)

This book is full of creative writing exercises, character outlines, advice, dialogue ideas, and it helps one through the steps of publishing and also offers advice for dealing with rejection, if it comes to that.

The book itself is very thought-provoking. Giving its readers the opportunity to really think about what they are writing and having scenarios that keep your brain juices flowing is what makes Writing Magic interesting to me.

It also houses a generous chapter on writer's block, and how to overcome it.

And, keeping the reader entertained, while writing your book? She's got that covered too.

You'll love the humor, wisdom, experience, and honesty that is woven into the book's pages. Ms. Levine is a funny lady, if you ask me.

Well, enjoy the book guys. If you read the book, you can tell me what you think about it in the 'comments' section below.

Fog Has Mystery

Trees hide themselves

In the midst of the fog.

The rain patters.

The Cottonwood trees' leaves glitter.

It is mysterious.

It hides things from view.

Taboo.

I strain my eyes,

And see nothing

but fog.

We drive on.

The mist is cool.

A tragic love song.

The rain fades away.

I smile.

Mist has secrets.

Fog has mystery and enchantment.

Mist subsides,

and we drive away.

The Terrifying Demise of Bonnie (by J)

     Out of  Bonnie's various attempts to out-wit Chevy, this particular attempt made Bonnie shudder for several months. It began when Bonnie thought that she HAD to be stronger than Chevy... but she was wrong. She approached Chevy later that day. With a confident smirk she asked, "Chevy do you like wrestling?" 
"Duh, do I get seeds if I win?" 
"All of the spray-millet," Bonnie replied. 
"Then yes!" Chevy said excitedly. 
"Good." Bonnie had hardly finished saying "good" when Chevy belly-flopped on her! Bonnie squirmed for a few minutes. Soon she had escaped from the deadly grasp of Chevy's belly-button. As soon as she had recovered from those terrifying moments, Chevy released another horrific attack. He sat on Bonnie. Soon rasping breathing noises started coming from underneath Chevy. Shortly afterward a little white flag popped out near Chevy's tail feathers and they lived happily ever after. Well Chevy lived happily ever after. The end.

Gorgeous Day (poetry, by A)

The sea breeze whips through my hair.

I trudge through the sand

In sneakers.

Sand leaks into them.

I venture on.

Wind slapping my face with my own hair.

It stings, for a few seconds,

But I love it.

The air smells like a lake.

I pick up a seashell,

And put it in my pocket.

Sand flutters, as I stuff 

Another rock into my shorts.

I try to run;

But I can't.

I try to yell,

But the wind 

Steals my voice.

I look out to sea.

It ripples toward us.

I look up, and see

A cloud. A smiling cloud.

Literally.  

I ask to have the camera,

And, with one click,

I freeze the time.

It seems like the day

Will never end!

We are merry beach bums.

We lay down, sand covering us.

And rest.

In this gorgeous day.

Dandelions (a haiku, by A)

The yellow flowers

Peek out cheerfully at me.

I smile down at them.

My Mind is a Conference Room

My mind is a conference room.

Exchanging ideas and thoughts.

Pushing slips of paper 

Across a glossy, glass table.

Passing legal pads around the room.

Debating.

Always debating.

It gets argued back and forth, for a while.

Then, finally, my brain decides.

Good choice, brain.

(Poetry by A)

May Snow Day: a stop motion short film

Another short stop-motion film.  The last time we went to this park to sled, the sledding hill was closed.  This time, despite the fact that it was May and in the mid-70's, we got our sledding in!  We had to slather on the sunscreen first...

Chevy the Parakeet: Fashion Guru

One time Chevy decided to give out fashion advice. He kept on giving out advice like" That dress looks better it looks tasty." and " I ate a dress that looked quite like that, it was exquisite."

Well Bonnie got jealous and asked if she could work for him. On Fridays, she would work the desk. Bonnie gave advice like, "Honey first you start out by getting a BRAIN then you pick out a GOOD dress."

Their company got sued when Bonnie said ,"You look like a worm that got shriveled up from the sun and got ran over by a truck." to a customer .




                                                                        THE END. 

Moon Rocks (stop motion fun)

Stop motion fun - a homeschool project.  Enjoy!

Yet ANOTHER Bonnie-Chevy Story (Written by J: Illustration by A)

     One day Chevy was tired of eating seeds. I overheard him saying that he was thinking of hiring a lawyer to sue me, and he actually tried that one time; but we got home before he could dial "Judge Judy's" number. I told Chevy that if he tried that again that I would  take all of his seeds away. That's when Bonnie wriggled in. She said that she was really leaning toward punching us both in the stomach. That got Chevy to stop.
                                             
                                                                         THE END.

Frank Man and the Man-Eating Sofa Cushion of Doom (Fiction by J)

As the sofa cushion approached me, a vicious grin swept its face, taking control. It drooled like a dog in front of "Joe's sSuper Crunchy Bacon Bitz." Just as it charged forward, ready to devour me, Frank Man charged forward heroically! 

Then he stopped suddenly and faced me: "Do you have any flour? " He said.

“Just go straight forward and take the last left,” I instructed.

“Thanks,” he called back to me.

“By the way,” he said, coming back with two large-sized bags of flour. “Do you mind if I charge my I-pod?”

“Sure,” I grumbled quietly.

“Thanks!” he said, and disappeared into the kitchen.

Then the sofa cushion took one look at me and gulped me down in two bites.

THE END.

Perhaps You'll See Me There: An Inside Scoop On the Wildlife at Cedar Bog (By: A)

     Yesterday. It was a bright, cheerful, and warm day outside. A, J, M, and D went to Cedar Bog. All the animals seemed to be coming out to visit us. We ended up spotting about five snakes,

a big toad, a skink, and a mouse. We also happen to come across a rotting carcass of some sort of animal. (We think it is a raccoon.)

   The birds and frogs didn't cease to make noise, almost the whole time we were there. The spring peepers and cardinals were the sounds we recognized.

   Our family did some photography of the trip. I, (A) took video; M, D, and J took turns taking photos. ( I think they did a great job, by the way.)

  We tried to keep quiet with our footsteps, hoping to spot more animals. But we only sighted one more creature, after which we decided to be quiet.

    M brought a sketchbook, she made a sketch of the water. I haven't seen it yet, but I know it is a great piece.

The stream that runs through the park makes it so beautiful. It has such clear, crisp water.

The water is so clear, you can see the details on the bottom of the water, as if there was no stream there at all.

   Over all, the land was pretty wet. It was muddy in most areas of the park. The snakes, I'm sure, liked that. (That, I'm sorry to say, is probably why they came out of hiding. Not us.)

   As I have previously mentioned, there are many animals that we saw; but we also saw various types of interesting plants. There were lots of marsh marigolds, skunk cabbages, snow trilliums, poison sumac,

and poison sumac... It could go on and on.

   Think it's about time to visit Cedar Bog, yet....? Well, you should. Perhaps you'll see me there.

                   The Biscuit That Saved The Day 

(By: J)

     One day as we were coming back from the Museum of Biological Diversity, we stopped at Popeye's because we were craving hot, greasy chicken. After Dad got through ordering the hot, greasy chicken meal, he realized that he had ordered biscuits (which my mother can't have because she has an intolerance to gluten).

After we were finished with our meal, we all (except for Mom) started scarfing down our biscuits drowning them in butter and honey. Mom was drawn to the biscuits and she ate one. Her stomach didn't hurt. The biscuit had healed her! 

The End

             

 

                                                           

Five Horrible Words - fiction by A, with Illustration by J

Five Horrible Words

by A

Illustration by J

After the dancing incident, Bonnie just kept quiet (for the most part) about what Chevy may/may not be able to do.  But after a while, Bonnie was thinking: 'Surely I'm better at scary story-telling than Chevy.'  She laughed at the thought.

Chevy asked why Bonnie was laughing, so she told him.

Chevy started, "Once upon a time..."

Bonnie shouted, "Hahaha!  Chevy, you can't start off a scary story with Once Upon a Time!"

"But it's my turn, you scatter brain!" she added.

She gave Chevy the stink-eye.  Chevy ate seeds (of course) while Bonnie was telling her scary story.

"It was a dark and stormy night, and in the shadows, a creature was lurking.  It was the scariest thing I've ever seen.  It had big, black eyes, that shone in the moonlight.  It was horribly ugly, with a huge belly and green feathers.  It also had yellow and black ones, but the most scary were the green.  And it was so ugly and stinky, I never wanted to see it again!  And it was often caught eating whole restaurants.  The creature's name sounded like 'Bevvy'.  I hate to tell you this, but that ugly (and stupid) thing was found devouring entire universes!!"

Bonnie got a tissue (for dramatic effect) and blew her nose really loudly.  She tried to pretend and quiver from being frightened, even.

Chevy stood up and said, "Duh, that sounds like my cousin Levvy! (except for the eating universes part)."

"Don't you get it?!" Bonnie yelled.  "You numb-skull!  That's YOU!"

Chevy said "I don't know any 'you's'.  I think you're mistaken.  Plus,  you said it rhymed with Bevvy!"

Bonnie was so furious (but a tiny bit amused that Chevy didn't understand that the story was actually about him).  Bonnie remembered that Chevy still hadn't told his story, or all of it (since she had cut him off).

Anyway, Chevy cleared his throat, took the sun from out of the sky, and held it under his face.  He was ready.

"Just tell the dumb story already!  You can't scare me anyway!" Bonnie said, annoyed.

"Okay...if you're ready for this," replied Chevy.

"I'm ready.  I've been ready.  You could never scare me anyway!" Bonnie laughed.

"I ate you.  The end."  Then Chevy took the sun, placed it back where it belonged, and came back to see Bonnie hiding in the corner of the cage, shaking so hard, Chevy thought sure she'd fall off the perch.  She didn't eat for a week.

And all because of five words.

Chevy Dances - Fiction by A (with illustration by J)

Chevy Dances

by A

As Bonnie was pecking Chevy at the food dish (one of her favorite activities) one day, she decided she was better than Chevy in all regards - except eating, of course.  (No one could out-eat Chevy!)

Anyway, it occurred to Bonnie that Chevy is the ugliest, most clumsy bird there is. (As far as she's concerned, Chevy is the clumsiest thing ever created!)  

She said, "Chevy, I bet you can't do the moon-walk!"

"Uh, duh, sure I can!" replied the rather annoyed bird.

"Haha!" Bonnie squealed.  "Chevy, I can't breathe!  Please don't tell such a funny joke ever again!"

But before she even finished saying these things, Chevy was gone! He was nowhere to be seen! Then she realized that Chevy was actually walking on the moon!

This made her very angry, but she was sure that she could outsmart Chevy!  

"Ugh! But I know you can't do ballroom dancing!" Bonnie shouted triumphantly, once Chevy had returned to Earth.

Again, Chevy disappeared!  Bonnie felt pretty good about this one!  She flew over to where Chevy was: on top of Chuck-E-Cheese's ball pit!  Or, what used to be the ball pit: the balls were all deflated, and I don't even want to say what happened to the kids!

Bonnie was annoyed, but the next comment would stop all further out-smartings (or so she thought).

"Don't dance like that! You are embarrassing me!" she said.

"Okay," Chevy replied (stupidly, as Bonnie would like to add).

'So,' Bonnie thought, 'Chevy can't possibly do the flamenco!  I bet he doesn't even know what it is!' (though she didn't either).

Chevy, knowing Bonnie was going to try to out-wit him once again, looked over at the thinking Bonnie.  Bonnie brought up enough confidence to say "Okay.  I know you're trying to be Mr. Funny-Man and all.  And I told you to stop, so I know I can outsmart you now...You can't do the flamenco!"

"I can't?" he said.  "Well, I'll be!" and he put his one leg on the other, at the knee and switched legs, first on one leg and then on the other.  Bonnie flew into a rage (literally - she's a bird)!  She went back to the cage.  She paced and danced on the perch for a while, but she thought of just giving up.  But she really, really wanted to be "better" than Chevy, so she figured and hoped she actually could be.

Without thinking what 'macarena' sounds like, she gave the challenge to Chevy.  He rushed to the store, counted out seeds, put them on the counter and flew back to Bonnie.  He made sure she was looking, and then tromped all around the cage, shaking boxes of macaroni in each hand.  He went around, shaking his booty and his belly very violently.

"Hula!" Bonnie ordered, getting angrier by the second!

"Whatever you say, Honey BooBoo Butt!" Chevy said.

Even Bonnie's cheek feathers turned bright red.  Chevy came back with all the world's hula-hoops around his wing feather and said "Yee-haw!" and dispersed them all over the world, and into space!

Bonnie was furious, first that Chevy called her "Honey BooBoo Butt",  and now that Chevy was dancing "funny" again.

"Last one," Bonnie said, grinning.  "Prepare to lose, Chevy.  I want you to do the twist."  

She thought, 'Chevy is so uncoordinated, he'll never be able to do it!'

But he did.  He twisted with Bonnie, and HE TWISTED HER!

She was so dizzy, she fell over and did a face-plant.  There were eggs floating in circles around her head instead of birds.

Never try to out-wit Chevy, he'll find a way to win.

Fun With Stop Motion

Our Homeschool stop-motion project, in several short video clips.
Compiled for your viewing enjoyment.
With awesome musical accompaniment provided by Raffaele Pulejo.

Bonnie and the Big Bad Chevulous

Bonnie and the Big Bad Chevulous

(by: J)

(edited by Bonnie)

     Once upon a time there was a princess named Bonnie.  She lived in a magnificent palace, but there was an evil dragon named Chevulous.  He was big and huge and fat and a bird brain.  All of the king's horses and all of the king's men couldn't kill this dragon, so Bonnie set out to slay this evil dragon.  She went farther and farther until she found the cave.  It was hard to tell if it was a cave or not because Chevulous is such a slob.  Bonnie conquered the great Chevulous because Bonnie is so awesome.

The End.

Whatever Does the Bluebird Say (By: A)

Whatever does the bluebird say,

In the dark morning of every new day?

Its bright titters, and tweets brighten the sad.

The pretty, cheery sounds it makes are quite glad.

He pounces upon branches, hopping away.

But, makes a stop, to greet the blue jay.

His nimble feet jump to the ground.

By its wondrous beauty, I was surely bound.

  The sounds of other birds, so soft,

But even the slightest noise sends him aloft.

He eats the scattered seeds, on the soft land.
Of, what went wrong, what he had not planned,
was the alarming creature approaching, from his place on a mat,
An ornery being, with its grey eyes shining... It was a cat!
It crept toward the terrified bird, in pleasure.
The bird flew away, as fast as he could, to his nest, where he had a fine treasure.
The little birds chirped in curiosity, as a foreign animal climbed up the tree.
I would not like to finish this poem, but I must, for you, not me.
The cat went away with a tasty treat,
and the air was filled with a sorrowful tweet.
I'm sad to say that the bird is passed on.
Laying cold, and dead on the lawn.

Chevy Poem (According to Bonnie)

                            parakeet   poems

There once was a Chevy named Chevy.
He was very very heavy.
He is  extremely stinky.
He smells like rotten eggs.
He likes a lot of chicken legs.
I wish he would just get away from me.

The Day When Trees Dance (by A.)

The Day When Trees Dance (by A.)

The enchanted trees twirl round and round

The fog hides their dance

Each one does a slow dance in the mist

The older ones just sit and watch,

sighing at the rememberances of past dances

The young coax the old to join in the mid-day sun

This requires no words

The clouds look down in pleasure,

and even the grayest of clouds turns lighter

Each tries to stop its slow cycle of formation as not to leave

But the wind pushes them on

The clouds and birds look back at the trees,

and some birds come to perch on their branches

Sorrow overcomes the clouds;

but they were happy just to have seen the dance

And wish this night never ends

Neither did I

I was watching carefully, close to the forest

And when the trees danced, it took my breath away.

This magic only happens every one hundred years

That's what makes this night so special

What a beautiful scene

But, I am forced to leave

The slow dance went on and on,

and the leaves of the young trees gleam in the darkness

The evening is over

Over until another hundred years from now

Gone

But, I have a feeling I'll never forget;

The day when trees dance

Parakeet Parables Vol. 2 (by J)

One time Chevy tried to be a comedian at a circus. I think that they hired him because they were scared.  Anyway, Chevy would greet the guests with free samples of noodles.  Unfortunately, Chevy only gave out one noodle per person.  He also thought it would be a good idea to show every kid how to blow their noses and he did it individually (and that took a lot of time!).  When the show finally started, Chevy told the crowd jokes.  If you want to hear the jokes, here they are:
'A penguin walks up to a pig and says, "I pork you..."  'And... The doornob pinched the sofa'... 'And... Two vultures were sitting in a tree when one said, 'BLUEBERRY!' and the other one laughed so hard it fell off the branch.'

So, the moral of this story is:  If you see a circus poster that says 'Starring Chevy the Comedian', you should most likely not go.

The End

Hail Vs. Snow

                                                           Snow falls to the ground.

                                                                It mesmerizes me.

                                                              Thousands all at once,

                                                              but making no sound.

                                                                 As not to disturb

                                                              the sugar-plum dreams

                                                                   of the children

                                                                 on Christmas Eve.

                                                                 That is quite polite,

                                                                 if you think about it.

                                                       Whereas, hail just falls whenever

                                                             and wherever it pleases,

                                                                   often disrupting

                                                                 some dreams, and

                                                             more than that, I'm afraid.

                                                                  This nuisance just

                                                                 comes down right on

                                                                     people's heads.

                                                           It grins as it falls with a thunt!

                                                                  on the back of a cow.

                                                           It causes trouble everywhere.

                                                                  It smothers the grass.

                                                                      But its' fun slowly

                                                                   disappears, as it does.

                                                                       Slowly, slowly,

                                                                            melting

                                                                             away.

Museum Visit (by A)

The Museum of Biological Diversity at OSU is quite interesting, with many exhibits that fascinate the mind and eyes. Although the whole thing wasn't open to the public, it still had many different rooms and displays to see.  Also, hanging on the walls were several posters shaped like various  animals. Each poster had a strange fact about whatever animal the board was shaped like.
  Some rooms had jars and jars of preserved animals, and animal body parts (top picture). They were a bit creepy, to say the least. One or two rooms were devoted to stuffed birds and other dead, stuffed animals.
At least two rooms had live animals and insects to touch. Snakes, walking sticks (above), centipedes, and salamanders, etc.
Another room had fossils to touch. Really old fossils. I'm not certain exactly how old they were, but an employee claimed that they were several million years old. They even had part of a meteorite!
All in all, the museum was very intriguing.

Parakeet Parables (by Jack)

Just to get started, let me tell you the size of Chevy (our parakeet):  One electron of Chevy is bigger than this universe and Chevy's belly button is a black hole.  So, if you're planning to go to our house, there is a vicious Chevy on the loose. Proceed at your own risk.  Most people don't realize that the Grand Canyon was caused by a tiny Chevy feather.  Beware!  History repeats itself.  Just sayin'.  And I'm sorry to say that Chevy will most likely strike again.  No one has captured Chevy in one picture because they were too close to Chevy to capture him in one picture.  The moral of this story is:  If you see a gigantic green feather about to collide with the earth, you should evacuate.  The End.

Geddy's Benormous Toenail

     After several months of trying to beat the World Record for the longest toenail, Geddy finally succumbed to exhaustion.  No strength to lift his fork up to his mouth at lunchtime gave me (his doting and faithful mother) the first clue that the time had finally come for 'the trimming'.  After all, it couldn't possibly be that he wasn't hungry for ham, green beans and potatoes.  Geddy loves ham.  Sometimes as I pass by him in the kitchen, Geddy sighs as he gazes longingly into the refrigerator looking for a bit of ham to satiate his desire for 'fat bacon' as Duffy (his loving and attentive father) calls it.

     So, as Geddy sat at the lunch table with his head wearily resting on his hand, fork barely lifted from the table, I had to think quick. The mere fact Geddy had been laying about all day in his bed reading A Series of Unfortunate Events too exhausted to get out of bed gave me an indication that time was drawing near.  And that we'd let things go on long enough.  Geddy's socks were straining under the building pressure of the foreboding toenail slicing away quietly at the threads of the sock.  Briskly, I snatched up that languid foot and unsheathed it.  Before me lay such a sight that I nearly screamed with shock and horror, but, not wanting to alarm the children, I bit down hard on my tongue until I felt my tongue throb with pain. The nail clippers in my hand clattered to the floor like chattering teeth on a frigid night.  "These tiny clippers will never do,"  I thought, "but they're all I have."  I picked up the elfin-sized nail clippers and set to work on the massive toenail.  Wrenching, writhing, grimmacing, sawing.  It seemed to take my strength from me just lifting the foot up.  Finally, sweet release.The toenail seemed to fall in slow motion toward the kitchen tile. There was a sonic boom and the house shook as the toenail dented the floor.  Geddy looked relieved and seemed to perk up immensely now that the enormous toenail lay at his feet unattached. 
"Do you need help lifting it to the trashcan Mom?" Geddy inquired. 
"Yes,"  I replied.  "I don't even think Chevy would be big enough to hoist this thing up,"  I reminded Geddy.  "We'll probably need to go to one of those places that rents giant cranes, you know the kind that they use for building skyscrapers,"  I said solemnly. 
"Well if it's too big for Chevy to lift then a crane isn't going to do much better at the job." 
"You're probably right, Geddy,"  I sighed.  "I guess we'll just have to move to a new home."

Lying, Purple Cheeks, Oh, My!

Suppose that every time you lied, your cheeks would turn bright purple.  It's hard to imagine, isn't it?
  I have just thought about a few things that might happen. For instance: No thief would get away with anything. That would be better, because, as soon as someone came in for questioning, the police would find out if he or she was lying, without even getting out the lie-detector. So, in that case, it would be a good thing.  
  But if you were trying to make a friend feel good, and she was asking how her new sweater looked on her, and it wasn't that great looking, and you were trying to say something nice about it, then bright purple, lying cheeks are not helpful.
  Also, if you were trying to keep a surprise, and people would be disapointed in you, if, say, you gave away the news about someone's surprise party. Yeesh! Not a good situation to be in... But the good news about that is, that your friends and family would understand, if they had gone through a similar type of dilemma.
   Or, how about if you lost or broke something your friend loaned you, and they asked you to please give it back, your friend would know right off the bat, that you no longer had it. The good news is your friend would already know by your flaming purple cheeks. Telling your poor friend would be somewhat easier, since it is often hard to tell someone about bad news.
   In conclusion, most things about having bright purple cheeks when you lied, would be difficult.
 

Just to Be a Can (short fiction by A.)

Written by A.

Introducing Chevy and Bonnie!

These are our two pet birds, Bonnie and Chevy. (The blue one is Bonnie, and the green one is Chevy.) We have had them for a few years, and, since then, we have accumulated Bonnie and Chevy stories and adventures, fairly crazy and exaggerated, but still funny. (So if you hear us talking about them, you'll at least know what we're talking about.) Anyway, It's kind of a family joke, now. It pretty much all started with Bonnie. She gets a little angry when Chevy tries to eat while she's eating. He comes up, and gently pecks at her tail-feathers; As if to say, "Bonnie, can I please eat now?!" She turns around quickly, and manages to warn him, with her beak, and goes on eating. This happens a few times in a row. Bonnie actually pecks him, the next couple of times. As if saying, "No! I just got on!!". When, finally, the game ends by either Bonnie getting annoyed, and letting Chevy have a turn, or Chevy just gives up until she's finished eating. It's pretty amusing to watch, actually.