Bonnie decided to be a sports reporter.
When she came to the press box to do a trial run, Bonnie was overly confident.
"Ha ha ha! I'll beat all of these stupid humans!" she shouted. She was referring to all of the other men who were trying out for the job.
Bonnie was up first. The man who was in charge instructed her: "You have to speak clearly and fast. So here's and example. The man put the microphone up to his mouth. "Johnson goes wide to the right, oh and now he makes a pass to Thomas. Do you think you get it now?"
"Uh, yeah!" said Bonnie.
"Okay, start when you are ready," the man said, smiling.
They turned the microphone back on. Bonnie began. "Here's Stupid. He's up to bat!" Bonnie was clueless about football. She knew all about baseball and a little about soccer. But, she was so overly confident that she didn't care. The man whispered in Bonnie's ear, "He's got the ball. He's not up to bat!" and smacked his forehead.
"Oh, he's got the ball, wide to the right, wide to the right, folks! He passes it to...
The man prays silently to himself. 'Please not Stupid, Please not Stupid..."
"Ugly!" Bonnie bellowed. The man reaches for the microphone telling Bonnie what she should be doing. "And Johnson's got the ball, wide pass to the left...Goal!" Bonnie shouted, leaning over toward the microphone to continue her sports report.
"That's right. A touchdown!" the man yelled, trying to drown out Bonnie's voice. The other men waiting for their interview outside the press box snickered. The sports reporter gave Bonnie one more chance. "Don't mess this up. I'll only give you one other chance and if you blow it..."
"On Numbskull, On Stupid, On Ugly and Dumb!" Bonnie yelled, imitating the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer song. The man put a hand over her still-babbling mouth. "Shhhh!" He had another man take over. "You're fired," he told Bonnie, then he forced her out of the press box, closed the door and locked it. There were gasps of horror and shouts of laughter coming from the crowd. She flew above the game, watching and listening. She had her own commentary going inside her head. "Oop! Scatterbrain from the other side has the ball now." She did this until the game was finally over.
And when it was, all the football players had a bone to pick with Bonnie. They came up in a pack. The biggest men she had seen in her life! They all gathered around. They took turns punching Bonnie.
"This is for all the names you called us," one said.
"Yeah!" said another.
"And we didn't like it!" added a third.
But, they let her off easy with two black eyes.
You can bet she never did that again.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Sandwich Sensation (by Richie Marrow)
I was talking to Violet Thomas who has recently contributed to the Museum of the Strange in Seattle, Washington. Her discovery, the "Guilty Rotten Sandwich" is being seen by people around the world! Violet has done several interviews with various radio stations and newspaper writers (one of which is me).
Paper Hugger Magazine interviewed Ms. Thomas whereby she stated, "It all kind of started when I made a sandwich. I was about to leave for a one-week conference, so I packed up my things, but accidentally left the sandwich behind." She later explained to 10TV news that she went to the conference, came home, remembered her sandwich and went over to throw the sandwich away. Then she saw a note next to the sandwich that said, "Look, I'm sorry I rotted while you were gone. I tried not to, and am really sorry. I was a little angry that you didn't take me with you, and that's why I rotted. Again, I am very sorry. I am starting to feel really guilty so please forgive me."
Ms. Thomas read the note over again two more times, still stunned at what she saw. Suddenly, the eyes of the bread snapped open and the sandwich said "Well, do you forgive me?" Ms. Thomas screamed. It happened so suddenly, she was frightened. She then squeaked, "Um...yeah. But how can y_"
"How can I talk?" the sandwich interrupted, "I dunno, but I'm kinda glad you didn't eat me, so I wouldn't scream when you bit into me."
She laughed. Ms. Thomas' friend who came to see if Violet was home, had come over from her house and saw the whole incident from the door. Her friend, then went on to tell Ms. Thomas about the museum.
The following day, Ms. Thomas called the Museum of the Strange and they worked out the details for the sandwich to be exhibited. Since then, the sandwich has been seen by school groups, tourists, and other museum curators. It is world famous!
If you haven't been to see the talking sandwich, it's a great time to go. Contact the Museum for information or for a tour at: Museum of the Strange
125 Harper St.
Seattle, Washington 12896
Or call them at (607)233-1940.
Paper Hugger Magazine interviewed Ms. Thomas whereby she stated, "It all kind of started when I made a sandwich. I was about to leave for a one-week conference, so I packed up my things, but accidentally left the sandwich behind." She later explained to 10TV news that she went to the conference, came home, remembered her sandwich and went over to throw the sandwich away. Then she saw a note next to the sandwich that said, "Look, I'm sorry I rotted while you were gone. I tried not to, and am really sorry. I was a little angry that you didn't take me with you, and that's why I rotted. Again, I am very sorry. I am starting to feel really guilty so please forgive me."
Ms. Thomas read the note over again two more times, still stunned at what she saw. Suddenly, the eyes of the bread snapped open and the sandwich said "Well, do you forgive me?" Ms. Thomas screamed. It happened so suddenly, she was frightened. She then squeaked, "Um...yeah. But how can y_"
"How can I talk?" the sandwich interrupted, "I dunno, but I'm kinda glad you didn't eat me, so I wouldn't scream when you bit into me."
She laughed. Ms. Thomas' friend who came to see if Violet was home, had come over from her house and saw the whole incident from the door. Her friend, then went on to tell Ms. Thomas about the museum.
The following day, Ms. Thomas called the Museum of the Strange and they worked out the details for the sandwich to be exhibited. Since then, the sandwich has been seen by school groups, tourists, and other museum curators. It is world famous!
If you haven't been to see the talking sandwich, it's a great time to go. Contact the Museum for information or for a tour at: Museum of the Strange
125 Harper St.
Seattle, Washington 12896
Or call them at (607)233-1940.
Bonnie's Permanent Eyeshadow Experiment ( a short story by A)
One time Bonnie wanted to go into the cosmetic making business. She had her demonstration set up for 3:45. She looked down at her tiny suit and smoothed out wrinkles. Then, Bonnie checked her watch. It was 3:44. She rushed into the room with her product.
"Hello, are you Bonnie?" a dressed up woman behind a shiny desk asked.
"Yeah!" Bonnie answered, turning her chin up.
"Okay, Bonnie, what are you going to be showing us today?"
"I call it 'Permanent Eyeshadow!" Bonnie took the blanket off. Under it was a small bottle with a shiny brown liquid inside.
"Will you demonstrate this 'Permanent Eyeshadow' for us please?" said the lady sweeping her hand in front of her and the other two men. The men cocked their heads at Bonnie's specimen.
"Okay, so you just put this on your eye-caps, Lady...just like this..." said Bonnie applying the 'eyeshadow'.
"Ahh...I see. Interestesting," the lady said.
"And did you, by any chance, test this to see whether or not it was permanent, or at least lasts long enough that it's almost permanent?" The man to Bonnie's left questioned.
Bonnie batted her ridiculously brown eyelids at him and said, "Do I really have to?"
A nod was her response.
The lady spoke up. "Yes, it is necessary for advertising purposes."
Bonnie was silent.
"So, what are the contents of your bottle there?" the lady asked suspiciously.
Bonnie squinted. "Eth...yl...ac...e...tate, nitro...wha? Oh, nitrocell...u...lose, gly...col, cal...cal...see...ummm....Yes, er, calcium alumin..um, boro...borosil..acate," Bonnie sputtered.
"And this is an original creation?" The lady was getting more suspicious by the minute. Bonnie could see it too and was getting more and more nervous.
"Um...Yes!" Bonnie squeaked.
"Funny. It sounds just like Wet-n-Wild Megalast nail polish that I happen to be wearing." The lady held out her glittering fingernails.
Bonnie chuckled nervously. "Uh, why, yes... weird. You're using it as fingernail polish."
The lady gave Bonnie the stink-eye. Bonnie batted her eyelashes again, and chortled.
"Okay, I've seen enough!" the lady exclaimed.
With that, Bonnie waddled back out of the conference room, 'her' product in wing, flew all the way back home.
And by the way, that nail polish did not come off for three weeks. When Chevy saw, he laughed so hard that it started that huge earthquake in Japan last year. Chevy was very sorry and hopes to eat to repair the damages.
"Hello, are you Bonnie?" a dressed up woman behind a shiny desk asked.
"Yeah!" Bonnie answered, turning her chin up.
"Okay, Bonnie, what are you going to be showing us today?"
"I call it 'Permanent Eyeshadow!" Bonnie took the blanket off. Under it was a small bottle with a shiny brown liquid inside.
"Will you demonstrate this 'Permanent Eyeshadow' for us please?" said the lady sweeping her hand in front of her and the other two men. The men cocked their heads at Bonnie's specimen.
"Okay, so you just put this on your eye-caps, Lady...just like this..." said Bonnie applying the 'eyeshadow'.
"Ahh...I see. Interestesting," the lady said.
"And did you, by any chance, test this to see whether or not it was permanent, or at least lasts long enough that it's almost permanent?" The man to Bonnie's left questioned.
Bonnie batted her ridiculously brown eyelids at him and said, "Do I really have to?"
A nod was her response.
The lady spoke up. "Yes, it is necessary for advertising purposes."
Bonnie was silent.
"So, what are the contents of your bottle there?" the lady asked suspiciously.
Bonnie squinted. "Eth...yl...ac...e...tate, nitro...wha? Oh, nitrocell...u...lose, gly...col, cal...cal...see...ummm....Yes, er, calcium alumin..um, boro...borosil..acate," Bonnie sputtered.
"And this is an original creation?" The lady was getting more suspicious by the minute. Bonnie could see it too and was getting more and more nervous.
"Um...Yes!" Bonnie squeaked.
"Funny. It sounds just like Wet-n-Wild Megalast nail polish that I happen to be wearing." The lady held out her glittering fingernails.
Bonnie chuckled nervously. "Uh, why, yes... weird. You're using it as fingernail polish."
The lady gave Bonnie the stink-eye. Bonnie batted her eyelashes again, and chortled.
"Okay, I've seen enough!" the lady exclaimed.
With that, Bonnie waddled back out of the conference room, 'her' product in wing, flew all the way back home.
And by the way, that nail polish did not come off for three weeks. When Chevy saw, he laughed so hard that it started that huge earthquake in Japan last year. Chevy was very sorry and hopes to eat to repair the damages.
The End.
Red Ant Rebellion (by A)
It was demolished.
The anthill was in ruins.
Crushed.
It was a dare.
Red ants crawled up my leg.
I knew this was a stupid dare.
But, I wanted to be tough.
Bite after bite, they get me.
I scream.
"Stop. Please stop."
Who am I kidding?
Ants won't stop biting me.
Even if I say please.
At least I'll die a polite young man.
Bite, bite, pinch.
I run, and wipe my legs
and buttocks on the grass.
Hoping to tell these ants
that messing with me
was not a good idea.
But they are insistant.
Angry.
Oh, so angry!
I would be too, if someone
stomped on my home.
On the people I loved.
They keep on.
The pain is excruciating.
Why did I take this dare?
Each bite is a stab in the leg.
I dunk myself in the creek.
The pain subsides a bit.
The ants do too.
Relief.
The red ants float away
on the murky creek.
Good-bye ants.
I run back home.
My home.
Warm, comfortable.
In my house
with my family.
I can't imagine my life without them.
I'm already sorry.
And I'll never do it again.
Alphabetical Torture (an alphabetical writing exercise from my writer's group - by A)
(***Note: Beginning with the letter H and continuing through the alphabet, my assignment was to start each sentence with the next letter in the alphabet.)
Help me, help me please!
I'm drowning in your lies.
Just please say I'm okay.
Killer bees surround my helpless and limp body.
Lying here, being stung.
Melting away, it's excruciating.
Not what I wanted, that's for sure.
Opposing all lies and mess.
Puss streams and I scream.
Quirkily trying to run, but I've lost depth.
Respiration is weakening.
Stop, bees, stop!
Trying to live, trying to feel something but pain, I still run.
Understand my misery yet?
Vests of black and yellow engulf me.
Wings of translucent clear find me and flap.
Xylophones of color, buzzing, always buzzing right at me.
Yelp after yelp, no one hears me.
Zzub, zzub, they are flying backwards now.
And the reverse button works today.
Because it knows that my life depends on it.
Can't believe how much relief floods my present self!
Dumbfounded and amazed, I smile.
Excited, I yell for joy.
Finally free, finally me again.
Great things come of time machines.
Writing Magic: Creating Stories That Fly (a book review by A)
Writing Magic by Gail Carson Levine is a very helpful book. It is one of my favorite books, in fact. Just ask my mother. (I have checked this book out from the library probably at least fifty times.)
This book is full of creative writing exercises, character outlines, advice, dialogue ideas, and it helps one through the steps of publishing and also offers advice for dealing with rejection, if it comes to that.
The book itself is very thought-provoking. Giving its readers the opportunity to really think about what they are writing and having scenarios that keep your brain juices flowing is what makes Writing Magic interesting to me.
It also houses a generous chapter on writer's block, and how to overcome it.
And, keeping the reader entertained, while writing your book? She's got that covered too.
You'll love the humor, wisdom, experience, and honesty that is woven into the book's pages. Ms. Levine is a funny lady, if you ask me.
Well, enjoy the book guys. If you read the book, you can tell me what you think about it in the 'comments' section below.
Fog Has Mystery
Trees hide themselves
In the midst of the fog.
The rain patters.
The Cottonwood trees' leaves glitter.
It is mysterious.
It hides things from view.
Taboo.
I strain my eyes,
And see nothing
but fog.
We drive on.
The mist is cool.
A tragic love song.
The rain fades away.
I smile.
Mist has secrets.
Fog has mystery and enchantment.
Mist subsides,
and we drive away.
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